Spiritual Corner

Over the course of the last few years – I have been re-discovering hidden memories of metaphysical “near death experiences” and the miracles associated with them. They are all extreme and extraordinary. Since childhood – it has always been a hardship to try and share my understanding of the spiritual nature related to the “out of body” trips into the light. At the age of 18 – I had an experience with death – and then came back to talk about it – only to find the subject matter was beyond the normal comprehension of others to relate to. For two years – I explored the world of matter and time searching for parallel meanings between the spiritual and physical realms of life. For two years – I had no fear of death what so ever. Then I ran into a stumbling block that sent me to my knees. I experienced the flip side of death. At the age of 20 – my 17 year old girlfriend was shot and murdered. The news of her “death” sent me to my knees in pain, agony, stress, and total misery. I often stated afterwards that moment was like King Kong running at me and kicking me full force in my groin. The “near-death” experience at the age of 18 – in no way – prepared me for the trauma of that experience emotionally and psychologically. It may have prepared me spiritually because I automatically cried out in my pain,

“Oh gawd help me. This is too much for me to carry alone. If there is ever a time I need you with me – IT IS NOW.”

At that moment – her spirit came to me. It was a mystical visionary like experience. It was vivid and real to me. If you would have been standing next to me in that moment – you may have been blind and deaf to what I heard and saw. To me – she was very real and had meaning within the words she shared with me. I wanted her back in the world again with me. Her spirit told me that was impossible. Her spirit told me that it would be with me for a while, but eventually her spirit would move on – and that I needed to start thinking of moving on with my life in the days, weeks, and months to come.

I came out of my bedroom after this mystical experience and proclaimed to my family,

“She is alive. She is okay. She still loves me.” (I had blamed myself for her being shot. I wasn't there to protect her and felt I had failed her. I thought if she lived - she would hate me for that. She was in a coma for three days before she died.)

They advised me to get a grip on reality and face the fact that she was gone. I had a grip on the reality of her spirit not being in a physical body. Religious beliefs in this world force too many suspicious thoughts and ideas in our minds. She wasn’t in hell. She wasn’t asleep in a corpse. She wasn’t in purgatory. She had been to the light, - embraced creation, and returned because of my “prayer request.” Her spirit told me,

“It is in the Father’s Favor that I am with you during this time of transition.”

I was lost in my own sea of confusion, blindness, and ignorance during that time in my life. My sight and understanding of life was focused on the outer world of physical reality and all the turmoil’s that go with it. Her spirit would NOT tell me any more than it was allowed to. She would share no secrets with me. (I asked who killed JFK after I asked who had shot her.) The police were asking questions and I thought it would be nice to help them out. It would have saved me a great deal more heartache and pain. I became the primary suspect in her murder. It was a double homicide in a small community. The town was in uproar and demanding action. The pressure was on the authorities from the highest office of the state with political ties that reached the top regions of the nation.

The local investigators were, – in my opinion, working with me in a very professional manner following the ethics of law and justice. Outside influences loaned the investigators what they called “professional interrogators” trained in a manner beyond their expertise. In hindsight – I pulled through because the spirit of my girlfriend was there holding my hand – encouraging me to hold on and endure. My logical thought was, if she just popped out of thin air and showed herself and told them who had shot her, then the whole matter would be cleared up. Her spirit said they (interrogators) were of a different mind and didn’t have the ability to see or hear her on that level. Her spirit stated she could only work within the accordance of “spiritual laws.” She said the truth of the matter was on the physical level. She said they had the ability to find the truth – but darkness prevented them from their path.

They followed me. They thought I didn’t know – but the spirit of my girlfriend told me. I later confirmed it with the local authorities. They stated the “professional integrators” were meant to shake me up and unnerve me enough to lead them to the murder weapon.

It was 10 days of constant intimidation, threats, and harassment. The local authorities finally brought me in and sat me down. They said that I had better answer one question as if my life depended on it – because it did. They were about to sign the arrest warrant and serve it on me for two capital murder charges. They said there would be no turning back once they signed “my death warrant.” They said they had a conscious and felt uneasy about some evidence that had come across their desk. They said the evidence could either clear me -- or bury me. They said they had a 10% doubt factor that was working in my favor because of the new evidence. They said – what made me look guilty in their eyes was the fact that I didn’t attend my girlfriend’s funeral. They wanted to know what my reason and explanation was for not attending and paying my last respects to the love of my life. I told them,

“At a funeral – you bury the dead right?”

“Yes.”

“She is not dead to me. She is very much alive. I don’t like to talk about it because people keep trying to fill my head with doubts about. She is sitting right her next to me holding my hand. I am not ready to cry yet over her loss. It hasn’t hit me yet. It did, and it is going to again. But right now – I am enjoying her company while I can.”

They went on to explain they didn’t see anyone sitting next to me and that maybe I was in denial to avoid dealing with the guilt. I went on to explain my spiritual beliefs. I then told them,

“When news of her passing hit – I called on my Father to help me out of the situation. He thought of the situation enough to send her back to help me out during this time. It is a hard time and swear to you – I do not know how I could have survived any of this without her by my side. That is why I am happy all the time. I am NOT going to allow one moment your – or anyone else’s ignorance ruin what little time I have left with her. She is going to leave in the future – as soon as I pull through this. I am sure a big depression is going to hit me and knock me back down on my knees again. That time ain’t come yet – and I ain't looking forward to it. If you want to see my tears then, I will give you a call.”


They too – tried to tell me that it was my imagination and grief working in an effort to block out the trauma. They tried to tell me there was no invisible spirit sitting next to me. My girlfriend finally whispered into my ear,

“Now I can help you prove you didn’t do it. Tell them you will prove your innocence with a joke. After the joke – they will know where the joke came from.”

I told them I would give them the proof they needed with a joke. They looked at one another and told me it was no laughing matter. I was facing the death penalty and the signature that was going to start the wheels of justices spinning me in that direction. They went on to explain how they were about to push a giant wheel over the side of a very large mountain. There was no stopping it until it hit bottom. It was inevitable. If they signed the arrest warrant – then I was going to end up in the electric chair. The finally agreed to listen to the joke. When I told them the joke – both their mouths hit the floor and they starred at me as if they had seen a ghost. I asked if they could see her spirit. They said they couldn’t but wanted to know why I had told that particular joke. My girlfriend whispered into my ear to tell the one detective that he had told the same joke that morning in the car – to the other detective. From her instructions, I was able to pass on the time and place it was told – and the response of the other detective. They asked how I knew that. I told them,

“I don’t know that. She knows that. She was sitting in the back seat with you fellows this morning. That is how she KNOWS that. Not me. I was at home in bed at that time. I think you guys can ask the goon squad about where I was about that time. They have been following me ever since they beat the hell out of me. Oh yeah. She is telling me that you went to your favorite kneeling place and asked in secret for a helping hand in this case. She said NOW you should know who is responsible for the joke being passed back to you like this. It is in answer to your silent request for help in deciding to do the right thing.”

Her spirit informed me that one of them had kneeled in church in silent mediation asking for “God’s Hand” to guide him in the investigation. The joke was the miracle that saved my life.

They tore up the arrest warrant. The allowed me to see the files they had.

The new evidence that came across their desk – was the confession of a 15 year old, and the murder weapon with his fingerprints on it. In an effort to clear their conscious - they told me private matters concerning the investigation. Politics had a hand in it. The truth didn’t matter. The political forces were out to send a strong message through the media to the community. They felt a long and lengthy trail with a white 20 year old would grab state wide attention in the media. They felt a trail against a juvenile would be buried in the press. The community would not be able tolerant of a harsh penalty against a child. (1980.) Lucky for me, God had other plans.